Memoir Poem: Farewell Saboteur


For Steve the undiscovered star

who could’ve been Mick Jagger

in another lifetime my brother perhaps

because despite the torturous poison

there was love.

Maybe if someone adopted him

he’d be cured of rich boy anger,

or in a future lifetime

he’ll somehow recover himself

in a moment of lucidity

out of the deathwish maze

crawling up through the spiraling

to original radiant broken whole.

Steve on Olympus basking

in godly glory like Apollo

dreamboy dish for most women

to swoon and salivate and catfight over

but maybe the rock star life

was the wrong decision

for a wild whiskey horse.

Meteoric rise with inevitable misfortune

Fame is a double course game of disaster

a deeper hell than this poor painterly one

this used persona wish

disguised in anonymous nobody robes.

Hiatus it was the only norm

a leash, a form

that could afford you to stay

on this impossible planet

hide your dangerous shinning away

don’t implode while swerving

with the grocery clerk maiden

rebelling on your wedding day

she throws eyelet daggers at me

while I’m in her line buying wine

and asks me if and how I know you

as a threat I guess

I smile and say yes I know him

I pity your level of dumb fuck

starlight wannabe

Give me my wine and ID back

you’re crazy if you’re crazy about Steve,

the original Space Cowboy aka Maurice

is a bachelorette’s doomed suicide groom.

Crazy Steve

you were always already astray

in divine reckless sabotage

you ceremoniously killed yourself

many times in my bedroom

and everyone who befriended you

you chased away to wild glades

with self-flagellating axes.

You certainly destroyed

every bridge of love you ever had

your false riddle was granted

and every truth that descended

wasted away on your unlucky bed.

So now I lift my angel’s eye and envision

rosepetals clear gold light streaming

dreaming true memories free

they bow, light and disappear

returning to the breeze and dharma.

Let’s take a thousand year old break

from being lovers


in brave harm again

but without the miserable longing

I perform the miracle

in a complete cycled circle

sealed in rose bursting gold.

I know it’s hard

when the door closes

like an imagined fist

your gangster wakes turned on

wants to dance a Russian roulette

like a dimond devil gambler

but it’s most wise to resist.

Namaste Stephen

May kindness find you new chances.





  1. Thank you so much Cubby. I’m going through old journals, looking for poetry and reminiscing. Stories, people, memories keep surfacing, it feels good to release them in a supportive environment. I appreciate your compliment.


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