Poem: the self you remember is no longer yourself

https://unsplash.com/@choisyeon

The mirror was never my friend

Distorted angles and

shadows always kept me locked in

Unrealized and hidden

I could never win

So I apologized for living

I didn’t like myself as I was

So why would anyone else

I respected criticism

it was the only viable truth.

The camera laughed

Whenever I was in full view

My crooked fang showed

My uneven jawline posed

My orangutan forehead bulged

My eyes criss-crossed in synch

with the shutter cocked like a drink.

I was not what I was

I was nothing because

That’s what I believed I deserved.

Then when they noticed me

I was surprised

I thought that they lied

Wanted more

than what I could be or desired

I wasn’t interested in the ones that loved me.

And now I’m old and thick

Part of the matronly class

Wine belly stomach

Crow’s feet wrinkles crisp

Muffin top plump jumpsuit

But I fucking hate jogging!

Make peace with the soft Mama I become more real

Break bread with the luscious love handles

The wild grey nest of flyaway hair

Don’t Stare

What are you looking for?

Your own dignity?

Why does my slump bother you?

Exclusivity?

Fuck that slobbery.

Laugh at the universal hatred of blubber

Live my life again but in reverse

Remove the impossible curse

Of worthless perfection.