Memoir Poem: Love #1

It would always

Be between us.

Hardly ever neutral

Scalding or freezing

Fighting or loving

Ruptures of trust

Everyday we

Rebuilt the sacrifice

Remodeled it

Reanimated it

reframed it renamed it

our fools’ gold paradise

naively waiting for a sign

a different ending.

The happiness lasted throughout

underneath and despite the arguments

was us in bitter sweet love

the natural connection

already understood

always forgiven.

We were both so sensitive

to judgement and rejection

Every action reaction

rebirthed from damnation

survived beyond last rope

meandering like a ribbon

of sunrise river

like a phoenix we reset hope.

Athena vs Mars

With veins bursting out

Incredible Hulk time

She Hulk sublime

Split second adrenaline

We couldn’t control ourselves

All the suppressed rage

Force fed religion

Violent patriarch

father communion

signs we understood

outwitting persecution of naturalness.

We sang a sweet parody of Kumbaya

sang laughing duet serenades of our names

instead of praising aristocratic hierarchy,

It was an inside joke to know

the old time Christian songs

Our odd beautiful connection was strong.

We volcanoed like double Vesuvius

Upending everything

Every second of love disintegrated

We eradicated ourselves in angry launches of hurt.

Making up was a hypnotic marathon

As if we couldn’t stop

Hurting and loving

Not as in S & M rape perversion

He was wisely not into that nonsense.

Our mutual hurt was linked to pride

The scarcity fear of being loved

Afraid of when it will stop

So we forced it to.

Bi-polar has a super power

To amuse confuse use

choose lose

whose booze

increasing triple fold with spirits.

S

Saint

Serious

Solid

He knew the chase before starting

Not enough time for all that I want for you

He played INXS while packing

I knew then his heart was true

Despite the violence he was suppressing

So much like my rolling stone papa

So much like my child-like mama too

and my sister and brother all rolled up into one

Spencer,

half kermit

half Dark Crystal

gelfling prince

The funniest strangest

most original twin

That I’m so grateful to have loved.

Things don’t have to work out to be meaningful

in the end we’re friends although

I’ll never see him again in this lifetime

Star crossed lovers are fated

to weep

burn brightly

end suddenly.

At least there’s an afterworld

I think

It’s better to have loved

Spencer

the post-gnostic ghostly druid

burning man sexy poly nerd

that I would’ve laid down my life for

so foolishly self-sacrificial.

Failures can have infinite value

for those that can see

their true irreplaceable worth.