Poem: I often wonder (haiku in 16 variations)


I often wonder

What my life would’ve been like

raised in Korea.


If I had lived there

surrounded by Koreans

would I be the same?


Not a foreigner

Not mistaken as Chinese

Not an outsider


My Korean voice

I’d retain my true language

Speaking fluently


Finally belong

no longer embarrassing

I wouldn’t feel shame


No one would question

me about where I came from

cause I would be home.


Not an immigrant

Not an oriental chink

No more racism.


No more dumb labels

I wouldn’t be “exotic”

I would just be me.


People don’t get it—

Objectification’s gross

Not a compliment.


Sometimes I wonder

If I’d feel less angry

If I could just be.


Tired of fighting

alone for equality

that’s what it feels like.


My Seoul Sister blog

is a whisper in the fog.

Why do I bother?


Sorry to be down

I feel the weight of sadness

and disappointment.


My family can’t

understand me as I am

and I can’t change that.


I don’t belong here

a bi-cultural loner

I don’t belong there


A disappointment

to my only family

except for my son.


  1. A bi-cultural loner is a tough place to be in.

    The hazards of living in a world where most people are judged by the colour of their skin or racial background rather than the content of their character (totally ignoring the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s advice).

    For those people who read and enjoy your poetry and writing (like myself) you are a gem.

    A pearl of great price.

    That many choose to ignore your soul and not bother getting to know it – it’s ultimately their loss.

    But it’s true- when you’re always treated as being on the outside- it hurts day after day.

    Humanity often fails living up to its name – being humane.

    And it’s generally the best of humanity who are treated as the biggest outsiders by all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Christopher. I love your kind comment. I’ve done many things to disappoint my mother. I hurt my mom without intending to but the effect is still there. I think when I leave this plane of existence, all of my love and intentions will be known by my mom. My family are good people, they love me; it’s not really their fault that they don’t understand me. We just have different ways of being. It was my path to be different. I appreciate your support.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi John, thank you💖. I agree with you, that’s a wonderful phrase, “We are home, when someone knows our name.” Love creates a sense of home and belonging.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always something to do and the people were kind and generous in Texas dear Judy. You would enjoy. Best New Year party in the USA. Austin, Texas.


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