I’m tired of accepting
the roles that were placed on me.
They fall away like a costume that never fit.
You never saw who I really was
you saw what you feared and
projected what you wanted me to be.
Your disappointment was so heavy
I let it cloud my reality.
You thought you knew what was best
but interference isn’t healthy.
You poked my hornet’s nest
then wondered why you got stung.
Backseat driving while in the passenger’s side
you thought I wouldn’t stop at the red light in time
readied to press the brake from your side of the ride
but mistaking the accelerator for the brake.
You almost made us crash
because you couldn’t trust me.
You thought I was helpless and stupid
but I know that you loved me.
You never really knew me, Mama.
You cherished me with worrying
with all of your heart.
You cried for me praying in the dark.
Your pity is a burden I carried all of my life
out of love for you because
I knew you were doing your best
to understand my independence
but I was incomprehensible to you.
It makes me sad.
“You’re like paper floating in the wind, no one can catch you,” you said.
You were right about that
freedom is essential to me
it’s the kindest form of respect.
I’m taking off the mask I wore to not offend you
I’m letting myself be who I am finally.
I love you (Sah Lang Hey Yoh), Umah.