Poem: Good Intentions

I’m tired of accepting

the roles that were placed on me.

They fall away like a costume that never fit.

You never saw who I really was

you saw what you feared and

projected what you wanted me to be.

Your disappointment was so heavy

I let it cloud my reality.

You thought you knew what was best

but interference isn’t healthy.

You poked my hornet’s nest

then wondered why you got stung.

Backseat driving while in the passenger’s side

you thought I wouldn’t stop at the red light in time

readied to press the brake from your side of the ride

but mistaking the accelerator for the brake.

You almost made us crash

because you couldn’t trust me.

You thought I was helpless and stupid

but I know that you loved me.

You never really knew me, Mama.

You cherished me with worrying

with all of your heart.

You cried for me praying in the dark.

Your pity is a burden I carried all of my life

out of love for you because

I knew you were doing your best

to understand my independence

but I was incomprehensible to you.

It makes me sad.

“You’re like paper floating in the wind, no one can catch you,” you said.

You were right about that

freedom is essential to me

it’s the kindest form of respect.

I’m taking off the mask I wore to not offend you

I’m letting myself be who I am finally.

I love you (Sah Lang Hey Yoh), Umah.